I have 9 more days to go until the judge signs the paperwork making my divorce official. I have found myself learning to be alone again, learning to be single again. It's a new adventure.
I am learning to be in a quiet house without going stir~crazy, because being alone is okay sometimes.
I am learning to find things to occupy my time, because idleness isn't a good thing.
I am learning that it's okay to not have another person to talk to, because I can talk to God more clearly.
I am learning to have new friends, and get in touch with old friends.
I am learning to live on a tight tight tight tight budget... that part is not fun.
Since our separation, I've had to learn to take care of the pool. This was interesting to say the least. Thank you so much to the owner of the pool store, he was patient and explained everything to me. I learned how to backwash, vacuum and clean out the filters. And the pool is doing so good now! And so nice to get into after work.
I've had to learn to kill bugs for myself.... Icky! But, I have managed to kill a spider. For me, being in the same room as a spider is an accomplishment.
I am cleaning walls, floors, baseboards, you name it. And thanks to my good friend for helping me!
In this new adventure, I still rely on God. I have relied on my faith and my Christianity for many years. I was saved at 15 years old. And though I fell away for a few years, I came back at 21 years old. I started dating my soon-to-be-ex at 29. I married him at 32, and now I am divorcing at 33. I believe the details are too personal, so I will not share; but I do have a good biblical reason for divorce.
In this separation and divorce, I am depending on my faith, not just relying on it. But I am holding on for dear life. It's a good thing, I believe, to be in God's control, in the palm of His hands. It's a wonderful feeling knowing that in my weakness, in my moments of total depression... God is working out the details, and helping me. But waiting patiently is SO difficult, it really is. I want to pull my hair out, I want to scream, but still... I am confident that He is on my side.
Romans 8:28 says "And we know that in ALL things God works for the GOOD of those who LOVE HIM".
Romans 8:31 follows that thought with, "What then can we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us?"
Psalm 121, David writes, "I lift up my eyes to the hills- where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord the Maker of heaven and earth.....The Lord will keep you from all harm- he will watch over your life; The Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore."
God really does love me, and the best news that I can give you is... God loves YOU too.
:-) Cindy
