After the big discovery of my husband's infidelity in May, I spent most of that month in a very "zombiesc" state of mind. I spent the first part of June trying to play detective and figure out what happened. I spent the first part of July extremely sad.
And then I prayed, I remember. I took a break from work and went outside and sat in the sun... I sat in the 'Son'. I remember saying, "God, I don't want to care about this anymore. I don't want to carry this hurt, I want to move forward, I want to move on. God, I'm done with this, it's yours now." To describe to you perfectly the feeling I had after that would be impossible. The best I can tell you, is I felt lighter, and warmer, and absolute relief from the stress. I will not lie and say that those bitter feelings didn't want to come back the next day, but I told them to go away, they were no longer allowed in my mind. And I had to choose to do that everyday for the next few days until they got the hint.
After the judge signed the official divorce papers in August, I joined a popular dating site. I wrote in a previous post about the self-descriptions and such that I had been reading steadily and almost daily. I honestly, re-wrote my own self-description several times. It is a difficult thing to describe yourself in a short essay. In making the effort to write about yourself, you'll find that (much to your dismay) you have to think about who you are. And once you've done that, and you begin to mingle, and have casual chats with folks... and again, you begin to describe who you are to them. And in learning about others, you strangely, and inadvertently, learn more about yourself.
I have always been a happy person. That's not to say I'm ignorant, even though I believe it's true that Ignorance is Bliss. But that's not my case. I am well aware of the problems in this world, and the problems all around me in my own little world. But I make the choice to be happy. After all, it's more a choice than an emotion. I also believe, heavily, that what you surround yourself with, what you listen to, what you read, what you watch, what you say... affects your moods, your choices, and your lifestyle. I have a paper on my refrigerator at home that says:
"Watch your thoughts, they become words.
Watch your words, they become actions.
Watch your actions, they become your character.
Watch your character, it becomes your destiny."
It's so simple, yet so true. The thoughts that you choose to entertain, will make their way out of you. In one of Paul's letters to the churches, he advised them, to focus their thoughts on good things. "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." - Philippians 4:8
Psychology will show you that people can 'think' themselves into being sick, or into healing themselves. The mind is a very powerful tool. You can talk yourself into or out of many things. Paul wasn't telling them to never think about anything else, he wasn't telling them to be ignorant, or to ignore the bad things in the world, he was simply advising them to keep the focus of thoughts on the good side of things. To keep their thoughts beneficial towards humanity. Because ultimately, your thoughts will eventually become your destiny.
So, I leave you with this... "Think happy thoughts, Peter!"
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