Cara & Kyle at Lunch - Sitting in the cafeteria at work, best friends Cara & Kyle have a complete and totally random conversation. Kyle is looking through his phone at his social network newsfeed.
[Kyle]: So, Netflix is bringing out all the things that my nephew Dave wants to watch next month…(pauses to read more)… oooh, and Reading Rainbow!
[Cara]: (sings) Butterfly in the sky!
[Kyle]: That boy is going to watch Reading Rainbow or I'm going to throw their big ass plasma TV out the window.
[Cara]: (keeps singing) It can go twice as high!
[Kyle]: I like Reading Rainbow. But oh my gosh, I wish Netflix had Mr. Rogers.
[Cara]: Well, you know… when you wish upon a star, your dreams come true.
[Kyle]: (looks up from phone) Umm, isn't that from Cinderella? I’m talking about Reading Rainbow and Mr. Rogers. Are you even listening?
[Cara]: I am listening. I’m telling you to wish for it! And I thought that song was from Pinocchio. Yeah, it is. Jiminy cricket sings it. Cinderella sings "A dream is a wish your heart makes". Anyway, you can wish for Mr. Rogers to be on Netflix, just like you wish he would come into your dreams at night.
[Kyle]: More like Steve Rogers in my bedroom.
[Cara]: I told you I don’t share. You can’t have Cpt. Steve Rogers. He is all mine.
[Kyle]: Mm-hmm, right. Well, anyway… Going back to the Disney thing, I found out recently that my sister-in-law won't let the kids watch Dumbo because she is afraid of the pink elephants.
[Cara]: (stops humming and stares at Kyle) Hmm, that’s interesting. What about the Heffalumps and Woozles, do they scare her too?
[Kyle]: No, she likes that one.
[Cara]: What!? That… that makes NO sense to me. Pink Elephants – No. Heffalumps, Woozles – Okay.
[Kyle]: Yep. And the kids dig the song. Dave marches around the house going (stands up to act it out) 'HEFFALUMPS AND WOOZLES, DOO DOOT DOO DOO DOOT DOO'
Cara laughs hard and loudly.
[Kyle]: Yeah, personally, I don't think that the elephants are especially egregious.
[Cara]: Well, I mean, basically the animators just grabbed a different crayon. In real life, it’d be just like, spreading body paint on an animal. Seriously, the Oompa Loompas are way more sinister if you ask me.
[Kyle]: Oh yeah, the Oompa Loompas are psychopaths. Hey, check out this kid that just got turned into a blueberry because she's a glutton. We'll sing a song, then juice her ass.
[Cara]: And hey, Let’s make sure the song let’s her how much she deserves it all because she likes chewing gum (sings) "like a co-ow does...."
[Kyle]: Yeah, stick it to her.
[Cara]: ....hey how about this fat kid clogging up our chocolate lines....
[Kyle]: Let's hope he drowns in it.
[Cara]: But hey, people will think we are nice if we speak in rhyme... like poets.
[Kyle]: (snapping fingers like a beatnik poet) He goes up. UP THE PIPE.
[Cara]: The brown river pipe. (pauses in revelation) Oh my gosh… The Oompa Loompas are gay.
[Kyle]: Haha, And serial killers!!! They sing a song about a little girl being incinerated.
[Cara]: Those sadistic fuckers.
[Kyle]: Yup. But then again, their leader, Willy Wonka... he isn't quite right either.
[Cara]: Willy Wonka is a pedophile… He likes to Wonk little willies. (pinches Kyle) WONK! (pinches again) Wonk wonk!
[Kyle]: GOOD DAY, SIR! (throws napkin down)
[Cara]: (loudly, like a fog horn) WOOOOOOOOOOO-oooooooooooooonnnnnkkkkkkkkkkk.
(People at nearby tables stop and stare at the foghorn noise, but continue with their own business as Cara and Kyle laugh hysterically)
[Kyle]: You really shouldn't wonk at work.
[Cara]: (laughs then sings to the tune of whistle while you work) Wonk it while you work fap fap fap-fap fap fap fap!
[Kyle]: I will look for your post tomorrow on Reddit; “The Time I Fucked Up” by wonking at work.
[Cara]: I'm sure there's more than one of those.
[Kyle]: Probably. We better get back to work before our bosses Wonk our paychecks.
[Cara]: Are we still going to dinner tonight?
[Kyle]: As long as you promise not to wonk any willies.
[Cara]: Okay, but if Steve Rogers shows up, all promises are null and void.
[Kyle]: Agreed!
They pick up their lunch contents and trash and leave to return to their offices.
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